It comes as a sudden shock and upset when you suddenly realise that you have been holding onto a grudge for a very long period of time, when you thought, that you had given all your sins to Christ . The heart and feelings tell you that you are alright (lean not on your own understanding) and Christ’s blood has covered all of it , yes his blood covers, but not if you keep repeating the same old sin.
Some of you are probably reading this like me, thought your were righteous in God eyes, you are praying to God, trying to follow his teaching closely and genuinely think you are okay. However, this carnal sin , creeps in subtlety, gently and entangles your heart over a period of time , slowly, so slowly , it works on your outward attitude . I only came to realise this , because a number of events were shown to me by the Holy Spirit .
I had dreams of a deep hurt , that I thought had been dealt with over 14 years ago. It came strongly in the subconscious, I hadn’t even thought about it , I thought it had gone. In the waking hours of the night, I lay there thinking about it, trying to resolve it and asking why me ? I must have buried it deeply and hoped in time, I could forgive. But I forgot to forgive, and it left a gaping wound. I sought revenge in my dreams.
My current work situation strongly reminded me of this trauma that I had experienced many years ago. My work had turned very sour and conflict was rising out of every nuk and cranny . This situation , made me deeply reflective. What had triggered this conflict ? Was it something I said or done ? Why was I being isolated and lied to ? Why were others building walls based on lies that they had heard about me ? Of course, my natural line of thinking was one of REVENGE against my colleague, but the spiritual side said to me , what can you learn about yourself ? How can you love those who harm you ? Where is this root coming from ? Thirdly, I heard a talk from David Wilkerson , who described what I was seeing. The fruit of bitterness was clearly evident in both parties. You know someone by their good or bad fruit and that includes me! I finally understood what was happening to me. A root of bitterness had slowly taken root . The spirit clearly revealed to me, what bitterness had the potential to do, when someone keeps a open wound. This open wound seeps to others, it causes havoc, division, numbness, lying, open negativity, undermining, manipulation, abusing, using others as commodities , the dulling of the spiritual mind and it can even cause murder . By hating a brother or sister, you are actually committing murder in your heart (1 John 3:15), which means you won’t inherit eternal life.
These are some the signs of a bitter root growing
- Stubbornness and open rebellion becomes part of your make up , the Bible warns that this is actually a sin of witch craft (1 Sam 15:23). You find it hard to come under any authority, that includes your wife or husband, your line manager at work , whoever really.
- Become highly critical of others and also critical to yourself . You overreact to minor offences. You tear yourself to pieces at times.
- Lack of Trust in others.
- You become judgemental , you are always right, always !
- Hate fills your heart and it comes out in how you react and what you say
- Joy has departed from your life, no matter what you try and do, you cannot find peace
- Contempt for anyone who has something good going for them, this is the root of envy and jealousy.
- Get angry quickly over minor things and therefore anger brings on more sin quickly.
You won’t have experienced all of these things at the same time , but each one will have taken root . If you store up wrongs in your heart against someone, you will find it harder to forgive anyone, the next time you are hurt . Why on a Sunday morning, do many men and women struggle to worship God? because they have a sin that has literally paralysed them and they are actually blocking the Holy spirit from working in their lives.
I hear what you are saying, it wasn’t my fault that I got hurt, I can’t let go. However, if you grip tightly onto unforgiveness, the truth is God will not be able to forgive you either (Matt 6:14). Your heart will become hardened and no longer will you be open to his word. When I realised , I was holding onto bitterness, I genuinely felt shocked , I said to God, I didn’t know what I was doing , why was I so blinded to my own sin? I heard a preacher, who spoke so powerfully , that I suddenly had my eyes opened to my own sin ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BOX4rb0tgQ). I praise God for this Holy preacher that spoke of sin and conviction so powerfully. He literally saved me from the depths of hell. This type if teaching is truly missing in our churches today . I want to thank God, that I finally heard a fiery , compassionate and bold message about the truth of sin. The beginning of wisdom is fear. This sin can destroy the very essence of who you are in God and burn your bridges in relationships. This is taking up our cross everyday, ‘ Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you’ (Matt 5:44). If we can’t do this, then we can have no hope, we can do this by the power of the Holy Spirit . If we confess our sins, he will be faithful and and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).